You Want Me To What?
by VioTanequil
Summary: Sequel to His Other Day Job. Renji leaving Kuchiki-taicho alone after such a fantabulously fantastic opportunity for blackmail is simply too good to be true. Oh well, such are the perils of position. Too bad for him then. Not yaoi.
1. You? Blackmail Me?

"Ne, taicho…" Abarai Renji grinned widely as he flounced into the office, two hours later than he should have. Seemingly completely unfazed by the total lack of reaction on said taicho's part, he flopped into his seat at his table, kicking back the chair and resting his feet on the desk. A few sheets of paper fell to the floor but neither moved.

Half an hour passed in silence broken only by the swish of brush on paper. Renji was not a patient person, but hey, when faced with something so fun, he could wait. (But not for long, though.) Getting a little annoyed at the lack of reaction, he huffed loudly.

"Whatever is the matter, Renji?" Byakuya was equally annoyed by the lack of action. For heaven's sake, if the lieutenant came into the office two hours late, and then proceeded to sit there for the next half hour not doing any work, then he better have a good reason for it. Inefficiency was intolerable, especially not when it was avoidable.

However, seeing as Byakuya was a walking talking ice block, Renji had no idea that the taicho was annoyed. (Ice blocks do not have facial expressions, by the way.) But he grinned broadly anyway, before turning his head in taicho's direction. "Ya remember the little dinner we had coupla weeks back? When ya invited me over?"

"_I_ did not invite you over. Fish-kun did." Byakuya did not like where this was going at all, nope, not one bit. It was all Fish's fault. Yup, it was all Fish's fault. Damn kid.

"Ya, ya. Same old, same old. That's not important. Anyway, that Fish's been tellin' me all about ya." Renji smirked, leaning back a little further on the chair. Yup, this was going to be fun. Very, very fun. He was already enjoying himself very much.

"I do not recall telling him anything." That was very true. He hardly spoke to the boy, merely exchanging pleasantries occasionally. But Heiji and Obaa-san… Now that was where the real treasure trove probably lay. It really was surprising how much old people could get out of him.

"Ya didn't, but kids have eyes and ears y'know, taicho."

"Get to the point, Abarai."

"Sharp as always, taicho."

"I will not repeat myself."

"Ah, ah, of course, taicho." Renji grinned, waving flippantly. Leaning slightly forward having dragged his chair over to the opposite side of taicho's desk, his smile widened dangerously, a mischievous glint in eye. "I'm going to blackmail you."

"You are?" His voice was understandably skeptical. So that was what Renji had wanted. Hmph. And here Byakuya had been worrying that it had to do with Rukia or something like that. Or Zaraki. Both were bad for several very different reasons. But blackmail? Nah. What on earth could Fish have told Renji that was able to be used as material? And why on earth had Renji been talking to Fish? This was interesting.

"Damn straight I am!" Byakuya raised his eyebrows at the choice of language.

"And over what, pray tell?"

"Why, taicho, Fish did tell me a lot about you. I feel that I now know so much more."

"Cut to the chase, Renji."

"Well, firstly, there's the fact that you got taken out by five thugs the other time." Sure, he had not believed it either when Fish had told him that, but well, Scamp never lied, and he was absolutely sure that yes, the almighty Ice Block had been taken down by five thugs.

"I was not in the correct state of mind thanks to _somebody_."

Renji just shrugged, before continuing. He was on a roll, and was going too fast to stop to think about the context and reason why Kuchiki-taicho might have been in Rukongai in the first place. It never really occurred to him that it might have been his fault. "And secondly, there's that silly name that you go by in Rukongai. C'mon, taicho. Hasegawa Chojiro? Gee, even I could come up with a better name."

"I'd like to see you try."

"Third's the fact that you were actually in Rukongai." Renji smirked, ignoring the jab as he swept on, feeling better every second. All that waiting had paid off, and especially that enormous sake bill which he had to pay to get Heiji well lubricated.

"And that is blackmail material how?"

"Because I have it on good grounds that you got yourself absolutely stoned before taking out a bar in the Fifteenth District." Heiji had really been a treasure trove of information, and Renji was having the time of his life. Absolutely. He had realized blackmail potential a couple of weeks ago, but had not managed to dig up anything, no scoop, nothing. And so, he had resorted to directly asking the people. Not many of them were close to this 'Hasegawa-san', but Heiji, oh Heiji, that guy was absolutely fantastic when it came to spilling information. Especially since he was a lightweight.

Byakuya merely stared back impassively, though Renji could read the barest signs present that he was not at all amused. Time to push the point then. He was close. He knew it.

"Now, taicho… Imagine what all those could do to your reputation."

An elegant eyebrow raised. "My reputation? And what sort of reputation would that be?"

"Ne, taicho. Don't tell me you don't know? Your reputation is basically equivalent to that of your clan's." There was silence, which in Kuchiki-speak could mean two things. Either he was frustrated, or he was just bored. Renji hoped it was the former.

"And?"

"Now, if that were to be attacked, what do you think would happen to it?" A short pause as Renji held his breath, waiting, waiting, waiting for the response.

"You seem to be very daring today, Renji. State your terms."

_YES! Oh yeah! Renji 2, Taicho 1._

Renji smirked.

* * *

I have a few of those blackmail ideas, but I'm interested to hear from you guys! Depending on the eventual choice of blackmail ideas, this story will range from 2 chapters to maybe 5. I dunno... We'll have to see. So send those ideas in!

Cheers,  
Tan


	2. Plan Shock The Socks Off Seireitei

Renji slid a piece of paper over the table. "As you can see, taicho, there are five terms on the paper." He paused for a moment for the man in question to read and digest the items on the list, especially what they meant, and what he was supposed to do. "That's it. Just five things. Simple, ne?" His grin grew wider as Kuchiki taicho appeared to pale slightly. Oh, this was going to be incredibly fun. The opportunity had been too good to miss, and in true opportunistic fashion, he was not going to miss it.

Of course, there was no way that taicho would just abide by the statements, not just like that. There was sure to be things that he had overlooked when phrasing the statements, and there were definitely loopholes (though he had done his best to fill up those loopholes) which could be used. But Renji was prepared as well. He was not going to just sit back and watch. Anyone else, maybe, but not him.

Not him.

* * *

Byakuya sighed mentally as he looked at the list. Actually, all of the items were perfectly doable. Had he been a normal person, he would have had no qualms whatsoever. However, he was no normal person. He was a Captain, and an important Clan Leader at that. Behaving like a normal person where there were people who knew him around was not at all within his repertoire, and as much as he would love to decline this rather _lovely_ opportunity, he did not have much of a choice at all. (Of course, there was indeed to option of having Renji assassinated, but that would mean that he would need another lieutenant. Oh well.)

To that, there was also another reason. Byakuya was bored. Rather bored, now that it was not a Tuesday but was actually a Wednesday and he had six more days to wait around in boredom. And so, it was sad to say that in addition to his utter lack of choice, his interest had been piqued. He also wanted to see how it was that Renji thought he was going to pull this off. Surely his lieutenant was not stupid enough to think that he was just going to comply with the list. He knew, he had picked Renji from the depths of Eleventh because he had seemed intelligent. Sure, Renji was a good fighter, one had to be a good fighter to survive in the Eleventh, but he had had the extra bonus of some intelligence. And as such, it would make sense that what was going to play out was going to be interesting.

The paper said that everything was to begin the next day, huh. This was going to be interesting, very interesting indeed.

Let the games begin.

* * *

It was their daily tradition to take breakfast together, though it was normally taken in complete silence, him being his same old stern solemn self, and she being meek and respectful. It was irritating, but with the servants in the room, speech, which was not part of the noble's eating manners, seemed inappropriate. It was deemed inappropriate, and also because he did not know much about her, and was not at all close, it was awkward to just start talking. On a normal day, that was.

However, today was no normal day. It was the first day of the challenge, of the blackmail of sorts, and he, Kuchiki Byakuya, was not going to lose to his lieutenant. Nope. Combing his hair back in front of the mirror and carefully clipping those ridiculous ornaments in, he hesitantly attempted a smile. Yes, he could smile when amused, but to keep that smile there, in front of a bunch of obnoxious and irritating shinigami, now _that _was a challenge. On his first try, he thought he looked rather what was the word again? Ah, constipated.

His second try was not much better. Perhaps he was better off not imagining an irate Kurotsuchi's face, even though that was the epitome of obnoxious and irritating. Perhaps he was better of just smiling. Perhaps that was how Ichimaru had done it. Oh wait. He did not want the Ichimaru grin. That was just creepy. And since he was already going to be creepy by smiling slightly, then the Ichimaru grin on his face would probably send people off to Fourth Division. So, no good.

Third time lucky. The smile looked rather well, he was probably just flattering himself, but this was the smile that Hisana had liked to see whenever there were no pesky servants around, and this was the smile that he himself liked the best. It was semi-attractive and friendly at the same time, which was, of course, what he had been aiming for in the first place. Chuckling slightly at his reflection, which was the face which the kids had been seeing for the past few months, he winked to his reflection. Time to put Plan Shock-The-Socks-Off-Seireitei into action. This was going to be fun.

First stop, Rukia.

* * *

It was a perfectly ordinary day, by all accounts, mused Rukia as she sat in the dining hall, ten minutes earlier than usual as she awaited the arrival of the Kuchiki clan head. Somehow, she had woken ten minutes earlier than normal, though that really meant nothing. She could just predict what was going to happen. He would sweep into the room in that flowing dignified glide. She would bow her head slightly, greeting silently yet respectfully, and then they would partake in breakfast in absolute silence.

As such, she did not expect him to appear five minutes earlier than normal (for Kuchikis were always on time, never early, and never late) with hang on… Feeling her already rather large eyes widen in surprise, she gaped openly at the slight smile on his face. That expression of hers must have been simply hilarious, because horror of horrors, Ice Prince Kuchiki Byakuya was now chuckling! Oh no. What had she done? What was going on? Who had drugged him? What was going on?

"Rukia?" When she still continued looking so horrifically horrified, the smile twitched slightly before disappearing, a more concerned look coming to his face. Was it something he had done? The last time he had checked, smiling and chuckling were all signs of being normal. And the kids liked it when he laughed, so what was wrong? This was perplexing, and although he got the feeling that he knew exactly why, he refused to entertain those thoughts. Years of working with people had taught him that you did not assume that you knew what they were thinking and said it out for them.

"Are you alright? You look disturbed." What was she supposed to say? "No, Nii-sama, I'm perfectly alright, and not at all shocked that you came in with a smile and then started laughing at my expression at that smile which you have even though you're supposed to be the famous Kuchiki Ice-Block?" Rukia's thoughts were interrupted by more chuckles. Oh god no. She had not just said that out loud, had she? Oh god, please, no. Please? Please?

"Kuchiki Ice-Block? That's a new one." His smile was genuine now, that much she could tell, and Nii-sama's laugh actually sounded normal. Wow. And here she had been that close to checking that the person who had spilt red blood that day was the same mechanical one who normally sat opposite her for breakfast. "Not even Yoruichi was that innovative. Did you hear that or did you make it up yourself?"

Rukia was now quite surprised. No longer shocked because realizing that a human (in this case Kuchiki Byakuya) was human only took a while, and that she had expected him to actually have feelings in the first place, so this was a welcome change, she chewed on her lip nervously. Should she say it? Ah, besides, Renji still owed her money from that time when he had borrowed to buy new glasses, so this was an appropriate payback. "It was Renji who made it up."

Nodding in acknowledgment and enlightenment, the smile on his face grew wicked for a moment (only a short moment) before the normal smile returned. Not fast enough for Rukia to miss it though. She winced inwardly. Oh no. What had she gotten Renji into? Oh well. She just had to remind herself that it was all about payback. Of course, it did not occur to her that her brother might have a grudge against Renji and might be carrying out a survey to find out information, nope, not at all.

Byakuya was rather pleased with this development, both at his own sneakiness and the ease at which information was being gathered. Grinning to himself as he picked up a small bun with his chopsticks, he turned it around before frowning slightly, looking more like his normal self, and proclaiming with distaste mostly to himself, "Red bean buns again." Sighing, he glared morosely at the bun. "They know I don't like red bean, but they keep serving it to me. Do these people ever learn?"

Rukia blinked. She was very, very unused to this human Nii-sama. Very unused to this. She was more used to eating breakfast in absolute silence while they took turns to look around the room and not at each other. Not at all used to conversation, and certainly not at all used to conversation with him over buns. She opened her mouth to speak, but quickly thought better of it. He seemed like he was thinking about something, thinking very hard about something. It did not seem interruptible.

Looking across the table, Byakuya eyed her dish, where the peaks of the buns were not dotted with the light pink but with orange. He knew those were the ones with the meat fillings in them, and he did not like red bean at all. Wrestling with himself over whether he should do what he wanted to do or not, he decided to just heck with the formalities, especially since all the servants were already freaked out and were ignoring him.

So swiftly that Rukia would not have noticed had she not been staring intently down at her plate and wondering whether the buns on her plate were red bean or not, there was a whoosh of air, and suddenly, the middle bun was now dotted with pink instead of orange and the taicho opposite her looked slightly guilty, though now chewing on a bun rather contentedly.

"Nii-sama?! Did you just…" Her eyes had widened in surprise again, while his were busy looking everywhere in the room except at her while he chewed determinedly, much like a kid with his right hand in the cookie jar would look away and dust the crumbs off his left. Yeah. It was definitely him. Rukia did not know where the sudden burst of courage had come from, but she found herself retaliating, replacing the red bean bun on his plate while guarding her own with the spoon.

Byakuya blinked as he noticed that the red bean bun was back, and that now, Rukia was trying her darndest not to look at him. Huh. Amusing. Finishing off the meat bun in a few bites before chewing and swallowing, he leant forward at the table and smirked at her, fixing a stern glare which she should be able to tell was fake at her (Fish always knew when this was fake, and since Rukia was much smarter than that idiot, she should be able to tell).

"Are you trying to beat _me_ in a game of speed, Rukia?"

The answer was that the red bean bun he had placed in her plate was now back in his for the second time, and that the meat bun he had almost taken a bite out of was now back in her plate. That and she was grinning rather wickedly. He liked the new Rukia, although he supposed that this was the real Rukia, and that he had just been talking to a fake all the time. Oh well. It was not really his fault that he was intimidating. The red bean bun was now back in her plate, and the meat bun almost to his teeth already. Ah, damnit. The bun dropped to the plate with a plop as her chopsticks tackled his.

A mischievous light came to his face. "Oh ho."

* * *

And as much as it was fun to push the bun from plate to plate, the time came for work. Inclining his head in defeat (the bun had ended up on his plate just as the time came) as he chewed on the red bean bun rather disgruntled (and much to Rukia's amusement), he finished it up before standing up and gestured for her to leave the room first, a noble honor that was supposedly given only to the most noble of guests. Ah well, traditions could be disobeyed for a while, he supposed. Besides, Rukia was his sister, and respect to her, even if it not be to such an extent as Kaien and Kuukaku, was what any good gentleman should show. (Then again, Kuukaku was older than Kaien, if he remembered correctly. Oh well.)

Rukia's expression was one of surprise. She had thought that he was just being friendly for some weird reason, but this, this was a little farther than she thought his kindness of sorts would extend. It was kind of nice to be loved by a sibling, she decided, grinning rather shyly at him. They were not completely comfortable around each other yet, because such things took time, but it was definitely a step in the right direction. Wanting to thank him, she was beaten to it by a smiling (He was smiling again!) captain.

"I'm afraid I will not be able to escort you to the Thirteenth Division, because who knows what Renji would do to the office in the meantime." A slight chuckle from him, something which Rukia (and she was sure the whole of Seireitei) was still unused to, and a widened smile on her part.

"I will see you at dinner?" A happy nod from her now that they were on semi-speaking terms, (Since both were rather uncomfortable when it came to talking but not actions, as shown by the bun fight previously.) Byakuya's smile widened slightly before he took off in the direction of the Sixth Division.

Hm… Wonder what's gotten over Nii-sama today, Rukia mused to herself before shooting off in the direction of Thirteenth, in a decidedly good mood. Fooling around during breakfast was a rather refreshing change from having to maintain a stony façade, and she liked it. Perhaps she would ask Renji about this during lunch.

Little did she know, she would be getting a lot more than she bargained for, if she chanced upon Renji during lunch, because what she had just gone through was just the warm-ups.

Payback time was just around the corner, and Plan Shock-The-Socks-Off-Seireitei had just begun.

Renji was so in for it.

* * *

Well, this took quite a bit longer then I expected, because the inspiration was so long in coming. But it's here and it's here to stay. This fic will be rather short, rounding off, at most, at 10 chapters, though I actually expect it to end at about 7. Hope you guys like it.

Cheers,  
Tan


	3. Turning The World Upside Down Begins!

Truth be told, he had considered entering his division with that much practiced smile on his face. Well, he had considered it. And then decided that it would probably work better on Friday, when they had combined practice with… which division was it again this week? He would have to check.

Having decided not to do so, Byakuya's day at the Sixth Division began as normal, at seven o' clock sharp. [And no Renji, who always came in at eight anyway.] It began as normal, but whether it would stay as normal… The edges of his mouth turned up slightly before he smoothly wiped it away.

[The courier from the Eighth Division would swear that he had caught Kuchiki Byakuya smiling, but no one would ever believe him.]

* * *

"You can… cook." Renji blinked. And rubbed his eyes. And then blinked again. The morning had been perfectly normal. In fact, if not for that sinister little light pink note left on his desk, he would have assumed that the Sixth Division Captain had completely forgotten about those five terms. What the note had been was just some written stuff, some black and white to show that yes, the Almightiness that was Kuchiki Byakuya did in fact agree to these (and it was hinted) 'outrageous' terms.

"Yes, Renji. I can cook." Back facing Renji, in an… no, it was not an apron, it was just a set of what looked to be extremely expensive yukata, [Renji was pretty sure that to the King of Money And All Things Cash Related, it was a 'cheap set' and thus to be worn for 'menial tasks' such as cooking.] Byakuya pottered around [no, he glided, but who the heck glides around in a KITCHEN?] the stoves, stirring mixtures and occasionally chopping up random vegetables.

"Is there a problem?" Byakuya stopped in mid-hum, enunciating every syllable clearly. Renji wanted nothing more than to lop his head off with Zabimaru. Firstly, the guy was one of the sole reasons why females wanted to get into the Sixth Division. Secondly, the guy had a kickass [although it was pink, but still it kicked ass, and yes, many other zanpakutos also kicked ass, but why did the captain have to have one as well when he had so much else already? Life was so unfair.] zanpakuto. And now, he could cook?

Mind you, Renji could cook too. Whipping up a quick meal was nothing too difficult for him. But whyyyy? Why was it that the 'Perfect Kuchiki Byakuya' also knew how to cook? Life was unfair. Life was seriously, seriously too unfair. [Why couldn't there be something that he, Renji could do that the Captain could not?]

"Renji?" The man in question scowled before turning and leaving the room, leaving the Captain to his whistling, merrily ignoring the question. He took a few steps down the corridor.

And stopped in his tracks.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Just hold on a minute. Just… whoa. Renji took in a deep breath. He looked to his left. No one. He looked to his right. Also no one. He blinked again. And shot off back in the direction of the kitchens.

He caught the edge of the doorframe, rapidly decelerating. "Were you whistling, taicho?" Renji poked his head around the doorframe, blinking owlishly at the captain still gliding around the room, slicing up things and sliding them neatly into pots. Said captain stopped in mid-glide, a handful of carrot slices in his hand, before turning around and raising a black eyebrow.

"Why yes, I was. Until I was so rudely interrupted, that was." Renji's jaw proverbially dropped. He blinked again, forcing the blood to flow back into his head so he would not faint and collapse in a heap on the floor.

The captain laughed.

Renji very nearly died of the shock as he stood there gaping like a fish. [To be more accurate, he was gaping like one of those underfed koi in koi ponds. Like the ones at the ponds where they made people pay money to buy the fish food to feed the starving fishes. His mouth was moving in an exact imitation of such a fish. Open. Close. Open. Close. Open. And it stayed open.]

"D-Did you just laugh?" He stared at the captain who had just turned back to slide the handful of carrot slices into a big pot of what looked like soup. No visible reaction on the part of the captain, but Renji could just sense the air of 'Why yes, you idiot,' emanating from that part of the room.

A sigh. "I have no need to answer that question, Renji. And if you are quite done ogling the food, could you please leave the room? The lunch menu today is confidential till the time it will be served. Besides, I do recall a small pile of paperwork with your name on it arriving from the Eighth Division this morning." The captain's reiatsu did not quite flare, but rather was released slightly.

Renji ducked out of the room and did just as the Captain had ordered as he escaped back to his office. [He never thought he would ever escape to the office. Escape from? Hell yeah. Not escape to.] But now, now more than ever, he was quite glad to be away from that… that… thing, that robot in human skin that was currently cooking up a storm in the kitchen. [Well, not so much a storm, but it smelled pretty decent, so hopefully it would taste that way too.]

* * *

Lunch came. Nothing much happened. [No, seriously. Nothing much happened.] Other than Renji looking out weirdly as though something might happen like the pot of soup spontaneously implode, or the huge wok of fried vegetables suddenly turn itself upside down and empty the contents on his head.

Which did not happen.

Byakuya had better taste than that. Besides, letting good food go to waste was not a habit of his.

Neither was cooking or even taking lunch with the division, but he was not going to think too much about that. He merely sat there at the head of the long table, eating quietly and doing a very good job of ignoring the first five minutes of excessively loud muttering about 'Why the Captain was having lunch with us'. [After which the division as a whole settled down to lunch and nothing even remotely remarkable happened. The food tasted slightly different from what it did on normal days, but whether it was good or bad, the Division was not quite so sure. It was different. That was all.]

Which puzzled Renji, and then proceeded to puzzle the division because it was very obvious when Renji was puzzled. Those tattoos on his eyebrows crinkled up and he was constantly look to the food and then back at the captain, which was very, very weird. It was puzzling because there was nothing particularly out of the ordinary at lunch this time. [Except for the captain being present, but even then, the captain was just being the captain. He was just sitting there and eating in silence. There was nothing out of the ordinary.]

Then it happened.

The Fifth seat would swear that it happened because Lieutenant Abarai was looking between the Captain and the food so much that his eyebrows appeared to be waggling.

The Ninth seat would swear that it happened because the Captain had been doing something funny to his food. [Like playing with it, but oh no, Captain Kuchiki never played with his food. Never.]

The Captain's mouth twitched.

The Division winced silently. When the Captain got angry, his mouth twitched. And when his mouth twitched, that normally meant that he was getting angry. The thing was, there was absolutely nothing that could get him angry.

Unless… They looked at the Lieutenant. At the weirded-out face he was having. At the chair he was sitting on. At the food.

And promptly came to one horribly, horribly misguided conclusion. [Later on, none of the Sixth Division members would ever admit to have thought this way, but the fact was, they all had.]

Oh god.

Was the Captain _gay_ for the Lieutenant?

Was the Lieutenant _jealous_ or something? There was actually nothing much to be jealous of the Captain about. Apart from the fact that he was a Captain, that he was one of the richest people in the entire of Soul Society, that he happened to have Lieutenant Abarai's crush/love as a family member and that he was very, very hot. The Seventh Seat promptly smacked herself [mentally of course] across the head at the last point. No. Bad thoughts.

But it seemed that those bad thoughts had been running through the minds of most of the shinigami, as there came a simultaneous eep from all four corners of the room. The female shinigami exchanged horrified looks. The male shinigami smirked, sighed, and shook their heads sadly.

The Captain's mouth twitched.

The Lieutenant was still happily oblivious. He was still looking at the food and at the Captain.

The Captain's mouth twitched. And twitched again.

The Sixth Division held its breath. What had they done this time? [Surely they had not done anything bad enough to deserve punching bag status for the Captain to vent his frustration on love-related matters on them, right? Whatever Lieutenant Abarai did surely had to be his own fault, right? Right?]

The Captain's mouth twitched. [And anyone who dared to look up at the portion of Captain Kuchiki's face that was not his mouth at this point in time would have noticed that his eyes were sparkling with something that was not quite anger.]

A particularly daring [or rather uninformed] new recruit looked up from his rice bowl, met Captain Kuchiki's eyes, and blanched before falling over backwards.

That was the last straw. The Division was now too curious to hold back anymore. At least their last act, before being telepathically condemned to death would be trying to satisfy their curiosity…

They looked up. [Blinking eyes looking up as one, with fear and something that was not quite curiosity [because they were smarter than that] was amusing, actually. Highly, highly amusing.]

The Captain's mouth twitched a little more violently before he burst into laughter, eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Oh. My. God." The Seventh Seat was the first to react. She gaped at the Captain.

The Captain chuckled.

The roof fell down. [No, the figurative roof did, which would explain why half the Division had just fallen off their chairs.]

Renji dashed out of the room, and now that they noticed, he seemed a little red. Five and Nine exchanged glances.

The Captain smirked before leaving the room.

[And a whole lot of besotted fangirls behind him.]

"Ten thousand says the Captain's gay for the Lieutenant." Five got up on the table right after the top two left the room.

"Here's another ten thousand!" Nine scrambled onto his chair as Four whisked the bet-taking notebook from Seven's limp starry-eyed grasp.

"Twenty thousand says it's the other way round."

"L-Lieutenant M-Matsumoto?"

* * *

I'm really, really sorry for the long hiatus, but I'm more or less back. Chapters for my other fics should follow soon.

Hope you enjoyed this one,  
Tan


	4. Debonair: Gay, Straight, or Both!

"Have you at all considered that it could be Renji who's after the Captain? After all, he was the one who flushed red first."

Matsumoto waltzed into the room, a huge innocent smile on her face as she not-so-casually snuck a bowl of food into her hands. She had heard rumors, oh, don't ask, and so had calmly made her way over to the Sixth Division.

After all, she was never one to miss out on all the fun.

Twenty thousand yen as a bet was nothing, really, especially not with this kind of situation at stake. She did have a larger sum going that… Never mind that.

Captain Kuchiki was rich, hot, and most importantly, single.

Now, why on earth was he not attached? Yes, his poor wife had passed away fifty years ago.

But that was fifty years ago, and fifty years was a pretty long time for someone who was probably bordering on the other side of two hundred.

There was only one reason for it.

There was only one reason he had not looked twice at any of the young, pretty and eligible ladies throwing themselves at his feet. [He had a fan club, after all.]

He.

Was.

Gay.

There was no other reason. There could be no other reason.

After being deprived of a woman's touch for so many years, after being deprived of his one true female love, it stood to reason that he would turn to the other other gender for comfort.

And who better than Abarai Renji?

Renji who had been cast aside by his one and only true female love, Kuchiki Rukia, who was most definitely heartbroken and trying to fill that gaping chasm in his heart…

Really, this was a guy who was also pretty good looking and single. Man, the sparks that must go off every day in their office.

Matsumoto gave herself a contented smile, never mind that things were not exactly working out the way she was imagining them to be.

* * *

When Byakuya caught up with Renji, the latter was busying washing his mouth out at a tap with copious amounts of water and panting like a dog, face flushed completely red to match his hair.

He smirked.

"Perhaps you are unaware that it is entirely your own fault that you are in such a state now?" Renji's head shot up and his eyes met a pair of too-amused grey ones.

He glared hotly back at his senior officer, mouth still on fire and him still unable to formulate a nice logical response that went beyond "AAARRRRGHHH! I HATE YOU CAPTAIN KUCHIKI!"

When he finally spluttered and lifted his head from the faucet, when his mouth was finally Not-Burning, he looked up and he saw said senior officer leaning on the ledge of the tap area, bent over, body shaking with silent laughter.

Renji then proceeded to splash his senior officer with two handfuls of water.

His shocked face was priceless.

That stunned look and the dripping hair, the way he squeezed his eyes shut and brought an almost disbelieving hand to his face was hilarious.

The look of sheer cunning malice afterwards was not.

* * *

They were both dripping wet when Seven, Five and Nine came across the Captain and the Lieutenant standing opposite each other, one with haori folded and placed on the nearest ledge, and the other with uwagi hanging down near his hips.

Seven fainted at the display of abs while Five wolf-whistled very quietly.

Nine merely grinned and took down some more notes.

[Some sketches of a topless Lieutenant Abarai found themselves in the hands of the Shinigami Women's Association some time later, but how that happened, no one quite knew.]

It was safe to say that no one got between the Captain and the Lieutenant for a very long while afterwards, which made the Sixth Division a very quiet place to be in.

Both most senior officers were clueless about why their staff suddenly seemed to like leaving them in a room alone, but work got more productive now that people did not come bursting into the office [and the adjoining Captain's office] every so often.

The awkward situation continued for about three more days before the next earth-shattering event occurred.

This time, no one, no one, not even Matsumoto Rangiku saw this coming.

* * *

To be perfectly honest, Shuuhei had not, for a moment, considered that Captain Kuchiki would have anything remotely constructive to say about the monthly paper, seeing as he was one of the few captains who did not have a subscription.

[He obviously had the cash to pay for it, so why he did not subscribe must then be by his own choice.]

So, when said captain had summoned him to his office at seven am in the morning just before the paper was published, [it always underwent last minute changes till nine and was distributed by noon], he had braced himself for some nasty tongue-lashing.

[Polite tongue-lashing, of course, because Nobles were never rude. They were condescending, because everyone was supposedly below them, but they were never rude.]

He had knocked on the door with great trepidation, hesitant to go in. When he finally did, he had been presented with a piece of paper [with very elegant writing on it], that described what appeared to be a tournament of some sorts.

A martial arts tournament, which involved people trying to beat the crap out of each other.

His brow furrowed. It did not seem like something the relatively calm and serene Captain Kuchiki would think up.

[But never mind that.]

He read on.

Donations would be required to run this tournament, and…

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

WHAT?!

And, it said in relatively small print somewhere in the middle, that Captain Kuchiki would match each donation yen for yen, up to a maximum of one billion yen.

Hisagi had almost fainted.

ONE BILLION YEN? How rich was this man to be able to throw away one billion yen like this?

[Did Soul Society even have one billion yen?]

Hisagi gulped and read on, aware of the captain's eyes on him. Overall, this was a pretty good proposal. It was incredibly detailed, made perfect sense, and was a great way to bond the different divisions by having shinigami pay to request their senior officers face off against each other.

So… It was not quite a tournament, but more like an avenue for the display of skills, with the added bonus of capitalizing on the popularity of various shinigami.

Hisagi's respect for Captain Kuchiki just went up one notch when he realized that the presence of the Eleventh Division, and especially of Captain Zaraki more or less guaranteed a minimum of two hundred and forty million yen.

[Captain battles required a minimum of twenty million yen to begin, ten million for each captain, and since Zaraki hardly spent his money on anything except for the occasional drink, he had plenty of cash. Of course, wreckage caused by his division was never paid by him anyway, always claimed out of the division budget. Thus, Zaraki Kenpachi had cash. And what better way to spend that cash than to get the other captains to fight him?]

His respect went up yet another notch when he read about the one thousand yen registration fee. So money could also be squeezed out of those with too big egos who felt that surely, surely, people would request for them to fight.

And then there were the ticket prices. [Hisagi was beginning to suspect that Captain Kuchiki had been to a real world concert or something, because his pricings were remarkably similar.]

And the venue, just off the Kuchiki grounds, in what was most definitely one of the more beautiful spots in Soul Society where mortals were highly discouraged from treading.

And the time, just after dinner, when most of the shinigami were impossibly free and had nothing better to do.

Something was wrong.

Hisagi paused, flipping the paper over to the other side.

It was blank.

He frowned slightly, trying to wrestle with the idea that Captain Kuchiki would be willing to pay for something that looked like it was going to cost thereabouts of several million yen [because he doubted that Soul Society had, excluding the Kuchiki Clan, one billion yen amongst itself] and a whole crapton of prestige, for no gain at all.

It made no sense whatsoever.

There was no way that he was such a nice guy. [If he were, Renji would complain a lot less when they went out drinking and he was utterly stoned. And a lot less about how the Captain was being particularly queer, something which Hisagi was witnessing for himself.]

Even if he were a nice guy, why the heck would he do this?

"It's for charity," the person in question replied, not looking up from his work as Kuchiki Byakuya, Captain of the Sixth Division, Head of the Kuchiki Clan and recent challenger of the entire Eleventh Division [Using kido, not particularly fond of dogfights, the Captain's mere existence went against the Eleventh Division mantra.] dipped his calligraphy brush into the inkwell and continued those smooth sure brushstrokes of his.

Hisagi Shuuhei's jaw dropped.

[He could read minds?]

Kuchiki-taicho continued doing that fancy writing of his in perfect silence, head bent slightly, eyes seemingly closed in that posh way that only true Nobles could manage.

* * *

Posters started appearing all over Seireitei in surprisingly prime spots over the period of the next week.

Ise Nanao was a little miffed that someone had managed to place all these advertisements all over the place, and in all the places that would definitely disrupt the workings of any Captain's office.

It was truly annoying the way this person knew exactly how to make her stop work and simply _have_ to look at the not-gaudily-colored but instead rather tastefully designed poster.

Hisagi-san must have found a rather interesting client this time around, she mused as she skimmed through the poster, eyes widening fractionally at places.

Right.

"Is Nanao-chan not doing work?" A sing-song voice appeared from the doorway as Kyouraku Shunsui emerged into the shade from the sun.

He frowned at the lack of any response, sweeping over to her and bending over the chair the way only a person of sufficiently large height could. Spotting the poster in her hands, a wide grin emerged.

"Why, is my Nanao-chan plotting something? Something to do with me perhaps?"

"Yes, sir." He raised an amused eyebrow, a truly goofy grin going to his face, only to pout when he heard her next sentence. "Only your demise, sir, so if you will excuse me, I have papers to deliver to the Sixth Division."

"How cruel you are, darling Nanao-chan." He sighed slightly as she left the room. Scooping up the poster, a decidedly dastardly look came to his face. He still had one more person to bother.

"Jyuuuuuuu-chaaaaaaan…"

* * *

"May I see Kuchiki-taicho for a moment?"

Renji looked up from his work, surprised. Hardly anyone ever wanted or needed to see the Captain. He could count on one hand the number of times that anyone not from the Sixth Division had requested an audience with the Captain himself in the past three days. [Rukia was not counted.] Hell, the number of people that entered the office was at an all-time low. Something was going on, he was sure of it.

[Of course, he was unaware that that something had already gone on, and that something new was now going on.]

"Ise-fukutaicho." Renji placed his brush down, blowing on the ink as he shuffled the drying papers to one side. He stood up, pushing his chair aside. "Yes, this way please."

Nanao nodded primly, gathering her papers in her hands as she followed after her much taller counterpart.

* * *

Renji was strongly resisting the urge to eavesdrop outside Kuchiki-taicho's office. The captain was a force to be reckoned with on normal days, and if he was plotting a way to get out of their deal, especially after that incident yesterday which had definitely embarrassed Renji more but still was rather demeaning to the Captain's reputation…

If Ise-san was helping him plot a way to get out of the deal, then Abarai Renji was most certainly a dead man. He would need to know what they were plotting so he could get out of the way. Pronto.

However, if he was caught…

Renji shuddered at the thought of being simultaneously emasculated by Senbonzakura and vaporized by that stare of Ise-fukutaicho's.

The risk was not worth taking, so he settled himself with retreating to the office where he resumed paperwork duties, trying very hard to not think of the various things that the two senior members of Seireitei could be speaking of which might involve him and any bodily harm in the same sentence.

* * *

Nanao stood near the doorway, silently watching the captain and waiting for any indication at all that he had seen her enter the room.

There was none, and she had to consciously remind herself that this was not the Eighth Division, no matter how similar that desk was to hers, all neat and proper and paperwork stacked high but being processed at an astonishing rate.

She cleared her throat slightly, and the brush paused for a short moment before continuing on. She blinked at the lack of any other response, inwardly bristling at the disrespect with which Kuchiki-taicho was regarding another human being, namely herself.

The brush dipped into the ink one more time before a quick flourish and it was placed silently onto the rest, not a single drop of black ink dripping off and staining the table. [She recognized it as something that only the very experienced could pull off, because she had only mastered it after a long time.]

"You requested my presence, Kuchiki-taicho?" Said person calmly placed the drying papers into a small stack, moving it to the side before looking up, dragging his eyes up slower than his head lifted, in an act that was characteristically Noble.

"So I did," a quirk came to his lips, and had she blinked, she would have missed it. He had not actually called her, per se, but the thinly-veiled advertisement had required a certain amount of intellect to decipher, and the job scope fitted her a little too perfectly. "Have a seat, Ise-san." He gestured to the wooden sofa set and low coffee table as he stood up.

She sat down, placing the papers on the table. Perhaps he had not noticed it, or not had expected her to notice, but she noted the lack of the proper honorific. Was there a reason why he was not using their proper titles? Various scenarios and possibilities flashed through her head.

She did not like any of them.

"Tea, Ise-san?" He leant over the table, placing two cups of steaming tea down on the table before sitting down.

First shock of the day. He was not sitting ramrod straight as she had envisioned, but was instead leaning casually against the backrest. "No?" He arched a black eyebrow, reaching for his own cup and taking a sip before placing it down and looking over at her.

"If it is what you wish," she replied, picking up the teacup and taking a sip. This was in part due to her inclination to follow authority, as well as the sudden urge to have something between her eyes and his. She did not like people looking at her for no apparent reason.

Ooh, smoked tea. She liked smoked tea. Most people hated the strong flavor, but that aroma was precisely what kept her awake, and was even oddly comforting. Kuchiki-taicho was either very similar to herself in habit, or had done his homework well. She shuddered to think what the latter would, or could mean.

It must have shown on her face as an unreadable look flickered across his face, an expression which she was sure she had never seen before. [It might have been a smile, but Kuchiki-taicho never smiled, so there was no way that could be.]

"Do you have anything to ask me, Ise-san?" Even though he was relaxing in what seemed to be a casual manner, his face was as serious as it normally was… Wait. No. He was calm. Not serious. There was a slight difference, but it was visible.

Oh yes, she had half a gazillion questions to ask him, but most of them were hardly appropriate. She merely took another sip of that delightful smoked tea, looking back at him. There was a certain glint in his eyes that was rather… different. She was not sure she liked the look of it.

"No?" An amused tone, if she was not severely mistake, was injected into his voice. "Are you sure you are perfectly clear and aware what you are getting into?"

He was definitely amused now, and had Nanao not been interested in someone else, this would have been an immediate winner. Coupled with the manner with which he was conducting himself, if she had not seen the captain before he had changed his mannerisms, Nanao would swear that these were two very different men.

As it was, she was getting increasingly confused and apprehensive. There was something not quite right to this conversation. Something felt wrong. Something felt out of place. It was a feeling she had not felt in forever.

Something clicked in her head.

He was not much older than she was, at most a visible age difference of an equivalent of five real world years.

He was not of a lower rank, good heavens no.

He probably thought her capable of sustaining good conversation.

He had not used the normal honorific.

That something was blaring a large, impossibly loud siren in her brain, which took its time to process the information.

When it did, she took a large gulp of the thankfully-not-scalding-hot tea, looking incredulously at him.

His other eyebrow raised, only serving to confirm her rather traitorous thoughts.

Going on the defensive, she immediately shot out, in a manner very much like she would have if that had been Kyouraku-taicho, except a little less abruptly, "Are you flirting with me?" She immediately flushed red.

Kuchiki-taicho's expression of wide-eyed shock was priceless as a hand clamped over his mouth seemingly to prevent the tea from spilling out. He swallowed, a look of extreme amusement coming over his face.

"Am I _what_ with you, Ise-san?"

Taking another sip, she calmed herself, shooting him one of her famed looks. "Is there any possibility that you are attempting to flirt with me, Kuchiki-taicho?"

He could not help it; she was the one who had put that idea into his head. He had not intended to choose her, actually. To be completely honest, he had toyed with the idea of doing the same thing to someone else… Someone a little closer to home, someone completely unexpected.

But well, she was practically asking for it. [She could take a joke, hopefully, and even not, it was still promising to be incredibly fun.]

A look of calm and serenity returned to his face as he stood to get the teapot.

The silence was almost palpable.

He could almost feel her insecurity.

He sat back down, an unreadable expression on his face as an eyebrow raised before slowly falling back down.

"I could be."

He flashed her his winning smile.

* * *

I was laughing my butt off by the time I got to the last line, so I'm sorry if I made tiny little errors here and there.

I actually had the second part done before the first, before I realized that I actually needed to make the story flow. XD.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'm really sorry for the long break.

Cheers,  
Tan


	5. Misconceptions and Preparations

Nanao resisted the urge to gape, blush and fry him with kido at the same time. What the heck did he mean by that? And what… What was going on? A tiny little section of her brain cried, "Why me?". [The other section of her brain went, "Me?"]

Kuchiki-taicho's eyes were more expressive than she had ever seen them before, considering the fact that he normally looked like a stone block. But… But… But… This was wrong on so many levels!

Sure, he was supposedly Seireitei's most eligible bachelor [not that Nanao had a thing for the slightly girly types… She rather preferred a different sort of type altogether, but never mind that], but he was a stone block.

People admired stone blocks from afar. They did not date stone blocks.

Or at least that would have been her reasoning to get out of this very, very sour deal.

The problem was, he was not behaving so much like his normal self at the moment, which was a severe understatement, but Nanao did not have the time to think about piddling little details since the other occupant of the room was still looking amusedly at her.

In fact, he was behaving downright… attractive. Oh gosh, girl! Get those thoughts out of your head now. She quickly took another sip of tea, noting the way his eyebrows raised again as she moved a little too fast.

Stop. Looking. At. Him.

This was so embarrassing.

She cleared her throat, calmed herself down, imagined it was Kyouraku-taicho sitting on that chair and looked sternly at him. "I'm afraid I will have to decline."

His eyes changed from amused to sharp and mildly incredulous. "I'm sorry? I did not quite catch that."

Oh, this was familiar ground. If anything, Nanao was good at putting forth sharp, cutting arguments. "I said I'm afraid I will have to decline."

"Why?" He took another sip of tea, lapsing slowly back into what seemed to be normalcy. Nanao resisted the urge to pinch herself to make sure that she had not been dreaming.

Had Nanao looked at him, she would have noticed the twinkle of amusement which had returned to his eyes. As it was, she noticed nothing but his forehead [because looking at people's foreheads was a very good way to intimidate them], and the fact that his voice had dropped two tones lower and was outright chilly.

Normal people would have been quaking in their tabi socks, but Nanao being Nanao and being used to superiors and subordinates constantly trying to intimidate her to get out of things, was not so easily shaken.

"This is extremely inappropriate."

"Why?"

"Why? But of course it is, sir! Fraternization within the Gotei 13 is highly looked down upon and…"

"Fraternization, Ise-san?" An eyebrow shot up and she was now completely, fully aware of that amused [and annoyingly attractive] twinkle in his eyes. "I said nothing about fraternization."

"But you implied it."

"I did?" He looked truly amused now, but that did not quite make sense. What was so amusing about this situation? It was a serious matter, and she was absolutely sure that being a serious person, Kuchiki-taicho would understand that fully.

"You were offering me a…" Nanao stopped, the metaphorical candle being lit in her brain.

His smile was back as he prompted, "A…?"

Her face fell as her cheeks burned. "A job," she whispered, mentally cursing and swearing for not noticing it earlier. Oh why oh why had she not been concentrating?

He laughed.

Oh yes. He was not being his usual self, and if there was something that Nanao did not like, it was things not going the way they usually went.

But she time to get back to more solid, familiar ground.

"What sort of job are you offering, Kuchiki-taicho?"

She sure was quick to regain her composure, he noted. An admirable quality, just like the way she was not easily intimidated, and the way she held and stood her ground very nicely.

"Personal assistant for this event, Ise-san, which would be why I called you here not on official business but in a more informal setting." He smiled genuinely, "I admire your professional work ethic and believe that your skills will be essential to the successful planning and execution of this tournament."

He turned to the back to get a teacup, "I do apologize for my behavior, the urge to tease you was simply unbearable."

She gaped at that sentence, not that he could see. What on earth did he mean by the urge was unbearable? Oh, never mind that. He must be addled in the head. Yes. Addled in the head.

He rose, leaning over the table to gently take the now empty teacup from her hands. "And you get a sizeable one-tenth of the profits if you so wish."

Profits? She had scrutinized the fliers very carefully. Yes, every single one of them which had crossed her table. Not a single one of them mentioned the making of money, other than the very large 'CHARITY' stamp in the top right hand corner.

Unless Kuchiki Byakuya was receiving money from a charity, which she severely doubted he was, then there was no money flowing in, only gushing out in humungous proportions. He wanted her to help pay? How dare he!

"I'm afraid you did not quite answer my question, Kuchiki-san." She was looking, almost glaring directly at him. But ah ah, glaring to intimidate him was as pointless as trying to break a stone with an egg. He had grown up around serial glare-ers after all.

An eyebrow raised as he chuckled slightly, taking in the annoyance on her face. "So I did not. Tell me, Ise-san, have you heard of the phrase 'The house always wins'?"

Nanao's jaw dropped as her brain whirred to catch up. Had he just implied what she thought he was implying? Because if he was… The figures which rolled around her head were in digits far larger than she had ever balanced, possibly large enough to balance any amount that he might lose.

"The Kuchiki always play a high stakes game," he paused, taking a sip of his tea, "and win."

He smiled.

Nanao blinked incredulously.

So _this_ was the financial genius behind the Kuchiki Clan's immense wealth.

_So this was where all the money of Seireitei had gone to._

* * *

Renji was starting to get a little jittery. It was a week after Lieutenant Ise had first visited the Captain, and now they were meeting on an almost daily basis.

If he did not know the Captain and the Lieutenant better, he would swear that they were dating or something like that. But he knew better than to say anything of the sort in front of them, merely holding his peace and watching them from afar.

There were several very curious rumors and whispers floating around the Division nowadays, most of which made him feel very uncomfortable of his position.

Honestly, what was a Lieutenant to do when more than half of his division had somehow come to the conclusion that either he or the Captain had feelings for the other?

He was not too sure about the Captain's sexual orientation, not that it mattered, because a man as girly-looking as him could very well afford to swing both ways, but Renji knew that he, Abarai Renji, was very straight, thank you very, very much.

Oh, he had nothing against guys who liked other guys, just that he wasn't like that. He was pretty sure of that fact, anyway.

Why then, did he have his ear pressed against the door of Captain Kuchiki's office, he had absolutely no idea. It could not possibly be because he was afraid, right?

After all, he was the one who was supposed to be doing the blackmailing. Why did this just feel so queer? Why did listening on their conversation give him the shivers?

"Are you certain you want to do it this way?"

"What would you suggest?"

"I do believe that this would be more profitable, as compared to your earlier proposal, Nanao-san."

"But how will such a small change in the plans affect… oh."

"Yes, exactly. While we can plan for all the eventualities, I do believe that creating certain loopholes and allowing them to attempt to exploit them would bring us much larger profits."

"Because it is much easier to collect back from those who have been publicly embarrassed and who have been shown to have attempted to cheated the system."

"Exactly."

"Now, about the location, you have already made the necessary arrangements?"

A chuckle. "And here I thought I was the one doing the employing, but yes, the location has been cleared and the construction is proceeding very well."

"I apologize for my forwardness, Kuchiki-san."

"Oh don't bother apologizing, Nanao-san. And please, do call me Byakuya. After all, we are in this rather together, are we not?"

Renji shuddered at the numerous implications of those last two lines.

He was getting out of there. Ignorance is bliss, he chanted to himself in his head. Rikichi looked at him funny as Renji shook his head, practically running down the corridor away from the Captain's office.

Ignorance is bliss.

* * *

At the next captain's meeting, he could not help noticing that Zaraki seemed to be eying him rather bloodthirstily.

He supposed he had sort of deserved it, but could not quite help the smug look that crept into his eyes. Pummeling Zaraki into the ground with Senbonzakura would a wonderful, wonderful feeling.

Ukitake was looking at him funny too, but he did not think that the senior captain looked like he was going to challenge anyone. He did look like he had a million good questions he wanted to ask that Byakuya did not want to answer, though.

(And everyone else was paying attention to the soutaicho except for Kyouraku who was dozing off as usual.)

The meeting ended quickly and quietly as did most other meetings, having said a lot but meaning nothing much at all. He would want to get out of there now to avoid talking to…

"Yo, Byakuya." It was Ukitake. Darn. Speak of the devil.

"Ukitake." He turned very, very slowly. He had not been looking forward to this conversation. Ukitake was nicer than most, but beneath that kind, warm exterior lay a man as sharp as his best friend, seemingly not at all, but astonishingly so.

He'd hate to have to admit that that one time he had been forcibly dragged out to Rukongai had done him a world of good, or that he was currently being blackmailed by his _lieutenant_ of all people.

And Ukitake was very good at extracting such information out of innocent unsuspecting people like him.

"What's my favorite male Kuchiki up to now?"

"With all due respect, Ukitake-sempai, I am the _only_ male Kuchiki you are acquainted with."

"Oh, tosh, Byakuya. I knew your father and your grandfather, but that's not the point."

_Oh god. Give me a break please. Don't come so near. I'll end up spilling all my dirty secrets. No. No. No. Go away. Please._

It didn't work.

"You don't seem to happy to see me?"

Understatement of the century, sempai. Understatement of the century.

"What's eating you, Byakuya? You know you can always confide in me if you want to." Ukitake grinned good naturedly and Byakuya hid an inward wince.

After that disastrous affair with the ryoka and… _KurosakiIchigo_, his relations with Ukitake had warmed up quite a bit, especially since the white-haired man seemed to thrive off listening to his poor unsuspecting victims spew their troubles into his never-forgetting brain, and Byakuya had been pretty desperate to talk to anyone who didn't treat him like he was (or they were) about to keel over and die.

But that did not mean that he wanted to talk about what was going on. Not now.

Casting his glance around the entrance of the First division, Byakuya spotted a potential savior. "My many apologies, sempai, but I have a prior engagement I need to attend to. Do forgive me."

He swept off a little quicker than he usually did, that little Byakuya. Jyuushiro shrugged to himself until he saw that the younger captain seemed to be gravitating towards Ise-san. He had it on very good sources that she had been visiting his office more often in the past week, which would kind of coincide with the time when Shunsui had run to his office moaning that he had just lost his Nanao-chan to _some man_.

Brown eyes widened slightly before a semi-knowing smile came to his face and Ukitake Jyuushiro, the best information broker in Seireitei drifted back to his humble abode of Ugendou.

Oh ho.

How very enlightening.

* * *

"They're not together," mumbled Renji from behind a sake jug.

"Ya blind?" Ikkaku rolled his eyes from behind his sake dish as Matsumoto on his right leant a little too heavily on Kira who tilted violently before slumping forward and leaning onto the wooden surface of the table. "Ya said they were getting together nearly every lunch."

"And he walks her back to the compound," interjected Hisagi from the other side of the table, "I caught them laughing once."

"I went to pass some papers to Kuchiki-taicho once and she was in the room," muttered Kira from the table, "she was there when I went back the next day."

Yumichika, the sober one for this night, raised an elegant eyebrow. Since when had laughing been an indication of whether two people were together or not? But if Hisagi thought that two people were together, and Kira agreed, then it was most probably correct.

Matsumoto, who was not completely drunk yet, grinned. "You can't beat this, boys." Eyebrows raised and groggy eyes attempted to focus. She giggled and took a drink out of the sake dish in front of her.

"I heard he let her stay overnight last night."

There was absolute silence and a mouthful of sake splashed out onto the wooden table, courtesy of Ikkaku.

Hisagi was the first to break the silence. "Holy crap. You kidding?"

"Nope!" Matsumoto paused, before pouting slightly, "but she refused to tell me anything about it. Looked like she was in awe of something, if you get my meaning."

"Spoiler," muttered Kira.

Renji raised a half-shocked half-surprised eyebrow. "You liked one of them, Kira?"

"Nah," Hisagi rose to his friend's defence, "He's just curious, eh? Don't _you_ want to know?"

"Know what? What they did?" Renji snorted, raising his head a little higher off the table, "Hell no, man."

Matsumoto giggled again, effectively shifting the focus towards her.

"You jealous of Nanao, Renji-kun?"

This time, two mouthfuls of sake splashed onto the table. Hisagi and Ikkaku gaped openmouthed at Renji.

Yumichika grinned at Renji's extremely red face. "Aw, our little one is growing up, boys!"

"I…I…"

"Don't tell me you don't like him, Renji. There's nothing wrong with liking guys, and Kuchiki-taicho is almost perfect. He's rich, powerful, hot and was single for so long. You've even been in contact with him for so long. It's your fault for not chasing him then." Matsumoto leant further forward.

"Oh," Ikkaku smirked from behind his dish, and Yumichika supposed that his best friend was perhaps not as drunk as he appeared to be after all, "Renji's been chasing Kuchiki-taicho since forever, eh?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"I-Ikkaku!"

"Nanao's got him now, so you've got no chance whatsoever, you know? That girl doesn't look like it, but she's as determined as anyone could possibly be. If she wants to, you can bet that she'll be able to out maneuver the Clan into accepting her. She's strong like that."

"B-But!"

"You know, Renji, we're here to drink with you when you're down. That's what friends are for. A man's gotta know when he's been beaten, kouhai, and you've just got yourself absolutely walloped, because there's no way you can beat her." Hisagi raised his sake dish, "To unrequited love!"

"But I don't…"

Renji was ignored by all except for Yumichika who gently patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay, Renji-kun. There there, you can let it all out. That's why we have Friday drinking nights."

Matsumoto, Ikkaku and Hisagi were continuing their conversation, and Kira was definitely drunk.

"You like someone, Shuu?"

"Not tellin'."

"Spoiler," muttered Kira from the table.

* * *

"They seem to believe we are… dating," Nanao said from a corner of the room.

"Hm?" Byakuya turned from his corner, to look at her over the numerous stacks of paper. "They do?"

"I heard from Matsumoto. According to her, half of Seireitei is talking about the event, and the other half is talking about your private life, which apparently includes me."

"Indeed," he had returned back to his papers and a rather stilted silence.

He paused. He needed a little more practice at interacting with people, so partnering with Nanao-san on this actually served a dual purpose. Firstly, that her organizational skills were absolutely phenomenal and her work efficiency surpassed even his own. And secondly, interacting with her was less uncomfortable than it was with most others as their idea of normalcy involved him being all over-friendly with them, something that he could not do.

He looked up before he continued, "If it offends you, you can remind yourself that I see you as, at most, a close friend. Besides, they must be blind for not seeing that you already have your eyes on someone else."

Nanao hid a small smile. If she wasn't already interested in someone else, had not been for such a long time, and had not been in his company for the past few weeks, it would have been easy to think that he might be interested in her. As it was, it was almost oddly cute how socially awkward he was. Cute in an older sister to younger brother sort of way, although he was actually older than her by just a little.

The clack of his brush on the wooden holder and the slightly increased proximity of his reiatsu a short moment later made her turn around in surprise. "I'm done for the day, and I suspect you are close too, Nanao-san. What say you to dinner? My treat?"

"Sure."

He raised an eyebrow at the readiness with which she agreed, "You do know that by agreeing, you are opening us up to more debate and discussion, right?"

Nanao rose. "And you intend to milk it for all the publicity is worth?" A knowing look came over her face.

He nodded.

"How devious of you, Byakuya-san." She sighed, looking almost exasperated.

He laughed and extended an arm.


	6. Prepare for Trouble! And Make it Double!

"You are quite good at this," Nanao whispered as they made their way through a semi-discrete path that branched out distinctly from the one which most of the restaurant guests would take to their tables. As discrete as the path was though, the fact remained that they had had to enter through the main doors and sweep regally [or as regally as she could manage] past the high-flying clientele that was not high-flying enough to afford a private room.

Byakuya nodded slightly, murmuring, "It comes with practice."

His proffered arm had drawn several, no, numerous gazes, and while she was normally immune to the whispers of others, this was a bit more than what she was used to. She felt grossly underdressed in her relatively new cotton yukata standing next to the richest bachelor in Soul Society decked out in muted shades of dark blue and green silk, and most definitely stood out from the gaudy outfits of most of the other ladies. All in all, she was not comfortable about this, and was slightly relieved that they would be taking dinner in private.

It's for the publicity, Nanao, she reminded herself, the publicity, and the ten per cent cut of the profits.

The openly staring crowd disappeared behind a turn in the corridor and she breathed a sigh of relief, stopping for a moment to collect her wits and glare hotly at the backs of the ladies who had been shooting her evil glances.

Byakuya raised an amused eyebrow, "I take it that you did not like the way in which we entered the restaurant?"

"What, the way you did that to be glaringly obvious while appearing discrete?" She raised a challenging eyebrow.

He chuckled as the door to the room swung open to reveal a cozy but not stifling room decorated to suit his tastes. A most discrete member of the serving staff ushered them into the room, trying to keep the look of surprise off his young face.

"Well, you got me there."

Nanao stepped into the room, quite taken with the simple yet elegant décor. As Byakuya made to follow her, he heard the door just around the corner of the corridor ease open slightly before rapidly shutting.

He frowned and was about to begin thinking about who it could possibly be, but the appetizers cast that thought aside in favor of more pleasant ones.

* * *

"No. Way."

Renji turned around and came face to face with the last person he had expected to find crouching behind a potted plant outside one of the most posh restaurants in Soul Society.

Rukia looked as though someone had just told her that the world was ending and the Captain Commander was female.

Or that her brother was dating.

Dressed in her shinigami shihakusho and crouched stealthily behind a fern, Rukia would have looked like any other disappointed Captain Kuchiki fangirl if it were not for the genuinely concerned look on her face.

"See? I told you, Rukia-chan," Matsumoto's way-too-happy voice carried over as the bubbly and impossibly meddlesome lieutenant made her way to the potted plants from the alleyway.

"But… that makes no sense! They have nothing in common!" Rukia attempted to defend her point and already Renji could see that it was going to be a lost cause. Kuchiki Byakuya, nothing in common with Ise Nanao? That was like saying Ikkaku had nothing in common with Kenpachi.

Matsumoto's eyes glinted.

"Nu uh, girl," She wagged her finger, "Firstly, they're both the quiet, bookish types in public. Don't talk much, don't argue much, don't seem to have opinions they want to share."

Rukia opened her mouth to argue, but Rangiku cut her off with an almost predatory gleam in her eye, "But that's in public. In private, oh, the opinions. Nanao has something to say on almost anything, the weather, the food, the power balance between the divisions in the Gotei 13, the book she read last year, the one she browsed through yesterday… Anything. And I'm sure you've had a similar experience with your brother."

Rukia blinked, but had nothing to say as Matsumoto pressed on, "Secondly, they're diligent, focused and hardworking when it comes to office work. The only other people who turn in all their forms early are my captain, who's desperately trying to seem proper and Kurotsuchi who's trying to get more funding. No one else would understand the need to be on time and to be neat and to be proper."

Even Renji was beginning to admit that Matsumoto had a point there.

"But they don't interact with each other at all," Rukia protested, eyes wandering to Renji as she shuffled over, whacking his forearm, "You tell her. You're his lieutenant."

"But I'm her best friend," Matsumoto beamed, "and I have it on very good ground that there is _something_ going on. Right, Renji?"

Both of them turned on him.

He blinked. "Uh, they do spend quite a lot of time together these days, but I don't know if they're definitely dating?"

There. His attempt at appeasing the both of them.

Matsumoto snorted, and Rukia looked a mixture of scandalized and horrified. Well… plan failed.

"He offered his arm to her, Rukia-chan, and I guess it doesn't get much more serious than that in Noble circles, right?"

The youngest shinigami nodded.

Spurred on by her 'temporary victory', Rangiku dropped the last bomb, "I've never seen that kimono before, and believe me when I say I've seen every piece of clothing in Nanao's closet." She nodded solemnly and Rukia frowned.

Well, there seemed to be implications to that statement, and Renji began to chew them out slowly. Shocks like this were minutely less shocking if he attempted to reason through them. There were three possible scenarios. Either Matsumoto was exaggerating and it was in fact an old kimono, or it actually was a new kimono. And what that meant, even he knew.

She had missed it earlier, but now that Rukia thought about it, it was odd that she had not ever seen that dark green haori or navy blue hakama on her brother before. Not wanting to admit this aloud, she instead tried to concentrate and recall. She had probably just forgotten it.

But cloth of such subdued and understated quality? There was no way she would forget it. That entire set was probably pure silk. And Nii-sama never wore pure silk unless it was to an important event.

She had to face the facts.

Nii-sama was dating.

Nii-sama was dating Lieutenant Ise.

_Was that why he had been so happy that day?_

* * *

"I told you."

"Yeah, but just because I didn't want admit it didn't mean I didn't know it. She spends hours at his office after work. After work! That's like at seven for those workaholics. I get off work at four and she stays at his office till ten!"

"Mm."

"And now he's treating her to dinner at the most expensive restaurant in Soul Society. Why, what on earth could that mean, I wonder?"

"You're taking this too hard, Shun."

"You're damn right I am."

"And you aren't even drunk yet. The wonders of sobriety, I see."

* * *

Byakuya entered the dining room exactly on time for breakfast, turning and shutting the sliding door behind him. Unsurprised to see Rukia there, he nodded to her before taking his seat behind his tray. Rukia was looking oddly at him, almost as though she were sitting on a thought that she desperately wanted to voice.

"Go ahead," he prompted, picking up his soup bowl and taking a sip.

Silence met him.

Hm. Silence never boded well. Never mind that though, he mused as he placed the soup bowl down and reached for his chopsticks. Best not to be holding anything with hot liquid in it while receiving shocking news.

Sure enough, he was right.

"You never mentioned that you were dating Lieutenant Ise," Rukia stared defiantly at him.

"Ah," was just about all Byakuya could manage as a placeholder before his brain got up to speed. His sister as well? So early in the morning?

Well, so the publicity had been rather effective, it would appear.

A slight smile came to his face as he remembered the most pleasant meal and intriguing platonic companionship he had enjoyed over dinner. It had been quite some time since he had had an intellectual discussion with anyone over a meal. With Rukia, he mostly spoke of social happenings and occurrences in his Division. With the Clan, he did not speak.

Rukia, of course, took that smile the wrong way.

That day, Byakuya made it a point to take a long detour to a florist and away from the Eighth Division on his way to the office.

He was going to take this charade one step further, and he would like to stay in one piece until the tournament. Besides, this was an excellent chance to set up another bout for, and attract a previously uninterested captain to participate in the upcoming tournament.

* * *

Nanao expected to be waylaid by an astonishingly sober Rangiku outside her door begging her to share all the 'sordid details' of her encounter with Soul Society's most eligible bachelor [never mind that Nanao was not all that hot on the mildly androgynous types], and was proven correct as a pair of arms descended around her shoulders the moment she stepped out of her door.

This alone proved how hard Rangiku could work if she really wanted to. It was five in the morning, which meant that the older shinigami had been up since four thirty at the latest.

"Yes?" Nanao raised an eyebrow, "What is it this time?"

"He took you to dinner!" Rangiku was doing what looked like her variation of a happy dance while still holding onto Nanao's shoulders.

"And he looked hot in that dark green haori, though then again Captain Kuchiki looks hot in just about anything that isn't terribly unfashionable, so spill, girl. And before you try and deny it, guys never dress up in things their little sisters have never seen before unless they're being serious."

"We had dinner," she smiled slightly, "It was pleasant. He walked me home. End of story."

"Pleasant?" Rangiku raised an eyebrow, eyes hungrily taking in the smile and drawing the wrong conclusion, "That's not nearly descriptive enough. C'mon, I know there's got to be more that you're not saying. No one describes a dinner date as 'pleasant'."

"Date? Where on earth would you get that kind of impression from?" Nanao raised a faux-clueless eyebrow. In truth, this 'dating' cover was becoming increasingly useful. No one would suspect that the two of them would be millions of yen richer in two weeks, and no one would suspect that anything else was going on. Not to mention, she had picked up at least five tricks from Byakuya-san that had helped further increase her work efficiency.

And it was fun.

"Because you put on something new to have dinner with him, and he put on something new to have dinner with you, and you had a private room?" Matsumoto's tone was downright plaintive. "I need to know, Nanao. I'm your best friend."

Before she could point out the logical inconsistency in those last two sentences, Nanao was greeted at the gate of Division Eight by an out-of-breath and slightly panicking tenth seat.

"Yes, Matsuoka-san?" Matsumoto groaned inwardly as she saw Nanao immediately straighten up. Gone was any chance she had to pry any information out of her intelligently elusive friend.

"You might want to hurry to the office, Lieutenant Ise. There are…" the man's face twisted oddly, and for a short moment, Nanao was reminded that while the Eighth was fiercely obedient to her, they were impossibly in awe of Captain Kyouraku. She vaguely wondered why that had occurred to her, before quickly stepping into the compound.

"Hey you, uh, Matsuoka, right?" Matsumoto's voice stopped the tenth seat in his tracks. Ten gulped. He was relatively new to the Gotei 13, but even then he had heard about Lieutenant Matsumoto's reputation about gossiping. And this was not something that he should tell her.

He turned slowly, like a deer caught in the headlights, knowing exactly what was going to happen and yet desperately wishing it was not going to happen.

"Spill."

_And he spilled._

* * *

"You sent her flowers."

Byakuya looked up briefly from the latest report from Rukongai before signing the bottom and setting the form aside to dry. His brush lowered gently to the desk as he gathered his things.

"I will not deny that."

He had expected this to occur. It was one of the scenarios they had discussed over dinner, the what-is-going-to-happen-to-you-when-_he_-finds-out scenario. And he had thought about it on the way to the office. After that rather surprising encounter with Rukia, it would not be safe to assume that no one else was aware of this 'relationship'. Oh how disappointed so many people would be when they revealed it was a sham after the tournament.

But back to the situation at hand.

Rising from his seat, Byakuya gestured his counterpart to the couch in his office.

"Have a seat, Captain Kyouraku. Tea?"

* * *

No one, no, not even Renji, knew what transpired in that office that day. All they knew was that Captain Kyouraku emerged, furious after just half an hour, and that Captain Kuchiki refused to leave his office and did not admit anyone into it afterwards.

And that the reiatsu levels in that room had been positively staggering.

* * *

"Your captain hits quite hard," Byakuya mused, rubbing his lower jaw slightly as he opened the office door for the first time that day after that most surprising yet expected encounter.

Nanao was torn between shocked and mildly pleased, masking both emotions as best as she could.

"Well? What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything," he closed the door behind her and moved to help carry a stack of papers to the table, "Just glared at me for a while, finished his tea, got up to leave."

Nanao was not really sure why she was slightly disappointed, a feeling that did not seem to fade even when Byakuya brought a cup of her favorite tea to the table. Flipping through the submitted forms, she began to ink in the newest set of wannabe fighters.

Having three categories really had been a fantastic idea. No one could complain that a Captain would definitely take the tournament crown if there were three tournament crowns, one for Captains, one for seated officials and one for general open participation. This encouraged money in the form of participation fees to flow in like sake flowed in a party.

Having priced seating was ingenious. There was no need to worry about having a great spot if you could get one, pay for it, and have it for the entire tournament. Conversely, those who did not pay could still watch, but only in limited standing areas where the view was nowhere near as good. They had already raked in several million yen that way, with the promised payments from the Four Clans yet to come in.

Organizing the underground gambling situation was pure, unadulterated genius. Already there was a gigantic bet that Captain Zaraki would take anyone and anything down. People were betting on friends, on seniors, on juniors, on loved ones, against loved ones, and on their seated officers. They were already in the tens of millions, and this was even before the matches and match timings had been released. It was probably true that the Kuchiki Clan was capable of matching the legal proceeds of the tournament if they sold a house or two, but it was beginning to become clear that Byakuya would have no problem paying up. He might even make a profit.

They worked in mostly amiable silence before Nanao realized that something seemed amiss.

"To his credit it looked like he was really controlling himself though. You could slip him one of those challenge forms tomorrow. I think that he'll probably submit it in anger." Byakuya looked up from one of the registration forms before returning his gaze to the paper.

"Alright, spill." Nanao commanded. Captain Kyouraku might have been annoyed, but he did not usually resort to violence. And especially not against someone like Captain Kuchiki here. Not unless said Captain Kuchiki had actually done something.

Byakuya sighed. "There really is no fooling you, is there?"

She shook her head, her hands falling still as she glared sternly at him.

"I might have said something a tad inappropriate," Byakuya averted his eyes much like a petulant child, rifling around for a form to process. The less he said about this the better. Matters like this that did not actually involve him at all [well, they did, but they did not] were best to not be meddled in by him.

A hand grabbed his arm.

"Like what?" Nanao bit out. Yes, maybe she was overreacting, but this was Captain Kyouraku they were talking about. Not just anyone.

"I might have made a slight against his organizational and thus Captainship abilities," Byakuya's eyes slowly drifted up from the hand to Nanao's furious face.

He could most definitely see where Captain Kyouraku was coming from.

"And?" She prompted.

"I might have insinuated…" He was starting to have doubts about the charade. Sure, it was rather enjoyable, but Nanao seemed a little too distressed for his liking. Then again, perhaps he had taken it a bit too far what with the flowers and then the bit about Captain Kyouraku.

"That?"

"That we were actually dating. In the non-platonic sense. That there were feelings involved."

"I think he guessed that, what with our charade. You're hiding something and you're going to tell me what it is."

Byakuya sighed. There really was no fooling Nanao. "I might also have said that it was none of his business and that he had no place in this relationaship. In those exact terms."

The vice-like grip on his arm loosened. "That's it?"

He nodded.

"So he overreacted?"

Again, Byakuya nodded.

"Like the way I'm overreacting?"

A smile came to his face as he reached for the next form.

"Exactly."

Nanao flushed red, fumbling for something to do to somehow hide the sheer awkwardness of the situation.

"God, this is embarrassing."

"Think on the bright side. We can open up a new bet."

"You are _incorrigible_, Kuchiki Byakuya."

* * *

Things could not have gone better to plan.

Captain Kyouraku signed up for the tournament, as had a staggering third of the Seireitei population, seven captains and eight lieutenants included. All the tickets for the viewing gallery had been completely sold out and the requests for an additional seating zone had been so great that he had eventually agreed.

The betting scene, however, was beyond whatever he could have even imagined. He had assumed that he could be able to cover half of the one-for-one donations with the bets.

He was wrong.

He could now cover every single expense of the tournament with just half of the betting money, leaving a hefty and ever-increasing sum of several million yen behind. The best part? No one was any wiser.

With training at an all-time high in the various divisions, even the Captain Commander was pleased and had proposed that the tournament become a yearly event.

On the other hand, things could not have gone worse to plan.

He was set to challenge just about every Captain that had signed up.

Kyouraku had a grudge. Kenpachi just wanted to beat him into the ground. Kurotsuchi signed up to fight everyone. Soifon probably wanted to test her speed against Senbonzakura, ever since that incident with Kurosaki. Hitsugaya and Komamura wanted to contribute to the charity, but did not know who to fight. Thus, fighting the tournament organizer was a safe bet since it was the tournament organizer.

Him.

Not to mention, he had to run the betting system, organize the matches with numerous logistical and location constraints, constantly put up a good front to the Clan and assure them that he would be paying out of his personal coffers, deal with Renji being constantly out on the training grounds instead of in the office, cope with the fact that the world thought he was dating Ise Nanao and somehow get some sleep in between.

Training completely eluded him, which was why, as the first day of the tournament dawned bright and early, [and found him settling calculations for the deluge of last minute bets in the temporary headquarters], he realized that he was in a lot of trouble.

And would be in a lot of trouble for the next two weeks.

He looked over at the person sleeping on the other side of the desk. Nanao had come in more and more often as the work piled up, and after a few days, they had set up the headquarters in Kuchiki Manor for simplicity's sake. He had what was almost an army at his beck and command to run errands, fetch ink and paper, and to ward off all the unwanted attention that working so closely together was causing. She had brought her things into the Manor and had set up camp in the adjoining guest room. It made it a lot easier to return to a comfortable bed when the work was completed, if it was even completed before morning.

After pulling several non-stop all-nighters, which meant that neither of them had properly slept in forty-eight hours, and he was pushing the upwards of seventy, Nanao had finally collapsed on the table.

Byakuya found it almost unfathomable that people actually thought that they had time to date with the huge amount of work that flowed in every hour.

Judging from the time, he could take a brief half-hour rest before the first bouts began. As he stepped out of the room, he felt slightly guilty seeing Nanao hunched most uncomfortably over the low table. Motioning for the servant outside to come in and assist him, the two of them gently maneuvered her over to the nearest futon which another servant had just set up.

While he was perfectly capable of moving a person lighter than himself onto a futon, he was not sure, firstly, that it was appropriate, and secondly, that he could do it without waking her. Which was why having servants was a very good idea.

Byakuya liked having ninjas in his employment. They could practically read his mind and get things done really quickly.

Alright. There was definitely something wrong with him. He did not have ninjas in his employment, merely hardworking servants who cared for their master and thought things through.

Yes. He had pinpointed the problem. He needed some rest, or he would be dead on his feet in two hours, if Kenpachi had anything to say about it. Why on earth had he scheduled a fight involving himself on the first day of the tournament?

Oh right. Tournament organizer. First bout. It all made sense now.

Waving the servants aside, he made his way to his own room, quietly cursing the length of the corridors before finally stumbling through the doorway and collapsing onto the futon with a thud and a now slightly bruised elbow.

Maybe he was going in a little too deep for his own good.

Maybe he was going to actually _die _today.

* * *

AN: Yes. I know. I haven't written in about a year? Sorry 'bout that. Lost the inspiration when it went looking for orig!shortfic and college apps. Speaking of college apps...

Don't expect any other updates anytime soon. Hopes for updates are always nice to hear though.

Hope you enjoyed this latest chapter!

Cheers,  
VioT


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